Joke Explainer

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer This is a joke about a misunderstanding, it has talking animals in it (sort of), and it has a pun. There are also two punch lines in this joke. First: the misunderstanding. The wife meant "take the spider outside and release it there", and the husband heard "take the spider out on a date". That misunderstanding occurring is pretty unlikely, so it makes the joke funny. Second: the spider is a web designer - this is a pun. Spiders make literal spider webs, and a sentient spider could possibly be said to design them, however a web designer is usually someone that designs websites, so there are two possible meanings of the term Additionally, it is most likely true that if he took the spider out and found it to be a nice guy that the spider talks, because otherwise how would he have determined that the spider is nice and a web designer?

First day as a vet Me: What seems to be the problem Cat: Meow Me: Yes, but where?  The humor in this joke stems from a false understanding that the listener forms. First, they expect that the jokester cannot understand cats when they speak, so when the joke arrives at the punchline, with the jokester apparently understanding the cat's language, the listener realizes that they were wrong and has to reevaluate their former understanding of the situation. I haven't heard this one before right now, and I would have to say that this joke was ok, but nothing to write home about.

Two ducks were sitting in a pond. One of the ducks said: "Quack". The other duck said: "I was going to say that!"

Q: What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? A: Dam!

A horse walks into a bar. The bar tender says "Hey." The horse says "Sure."

Two whales are in a bar. One turns to the other and says "OOOOAAAAHHHHOOOOHHHAAOO" The other whale turns to him and says, "Go home Steve, you're drunk"

A squirrel is sitting in a tree enjoying the sunset when all of a sudden the whole tree starts to shake and rumble. He looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree. He yells at the elephant, "Hey, get out of my tree, elephant! What are you doing man!?" "Sorry squirrel, I'm just coming up to eat some pears." "This is a pine tree. There are no pears up here!" "Well, I brought my own pears."

A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says: "Hey, we've got a drink named after you!", to which the grasshopper replied: "Why would anyone name a drink Bob?"

A duck walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender stares, but mixes the drink, and the duck downs it and orders another. "Hey, buddy, you haven't paid for the first one! Why should I make you another?" "It's OK, make me a second martini," said the duck. "Just put it on my bill."

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Where is the bartender?"

A snake slithers into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here." "Why not?" asks the snake. "You can't hold your liquor."

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' fer the man who shot my paw."

A bear walks into a bar. He goes up to the barman and asks, "Can I have a large gin and.......... tonic, please?" The bartender replies, "Sure, but what's with the big pause?" The bear holds up his paws, looks at them, and says, "Well, I'm a bear!"

A goldfish walks into a bar, jumps up on a bar stool, and looks hard at the bartender, who asks the goldfish, "What can I get you?" The fish keeps looking at the guy and gasps: "Water."

A penguin walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" The barman asks, "Well, what does he look like?"

There are two fish in a tank. One fish turn to the other and says, "How the heck do you drive this thing!?"