Joke Explainer

“DO NOT TOUCH” must be one of the most terrifying things to read in braille. This is an absurd joke. People that read braille do so by rubbing their fingers along bumps that represent letters. If one were to read something in braille, then, that person has already touched the object that the words are on. That means that they already broke the instructions they are reading. Why would this be terrifying? That is where the humor comes in. That wouldn't be terrifying. You already touched the thing, and if it was going to do anything to you because of it then it already happened to you before you finished reading the words.

I can't believe no one has managed to come up with a cure for anorexia yet, honestly, I thought it'd be a piece of cake. This is a pun. The humor of the joke is centered around the phrase "piece of cake". Literally piece of cake means a piece of cake, but figuratively it means "something that is very easy". To cure anorexia is not that easy because it is mental, and not physical, and we are not good at helping mental issues. So eating cake to cure anorexia is probably possible, though I doubt that it would be effective in most cases. So, not only is there a pun here, but both senses of the pun are absurd, which makes this pretty funny. That is - of course - if you are ok making fun of people that have an illness. 

Q: Where are the Great Plains located? A: At the great airports! This is a pun - the word plains sounds like planes, and the great plains are a large region in the middle of the united states, however the answer is not where those are located, but instead where the "great planes" are located, which is apparently the great airports. There is a bit of absurdist logic to this - mediocre planes would be located in mediocre airports, and absolutely awful planes would be located is the worst type of airports. Despite this joke being pretty bad, I sort of like it.

If you ask Rick Astley for a DVD of the movie Up, he won’t give it to you because he’s never gonna give you Up. However, by not giving you Up like you asked for it, he’s letting you down. This is known as the Astley paradox. This joke is based around a pop culture reference, and also a meme culture reference. To understand the paradox requires the listener to know the lyrics to the song "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. The lyrics state that Rick is "Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down, etc." In the first part of the song the jokester assumes that Rick was talking about a DVD of the movie Up when he said NGGYU. This is incorrect - the false assumption is based on a pretty awful pun, however it is also a moderately funny pun. The second part says that he would let you down, which he explicitly denied that he would do in the lyrics to the song, so he is breaking his word. To call that a paradox is silly because the lyrics to the song were not sup...

There is a cereal called Captain Crunch, which has (in one of its versions) "crunch berries", which are a a rare variation of the normal sugar cereal that the rest of Captain Crunch is composed of. At some point in time the company started making an "Oops all berries" version of the cereal, which had only crunch berries, and none of the normal cereal. This meme is a photoshop of a package of an "Oops all moisture packets" version of Jack Links meat snacks (which is a brand of beef jerky). The moisture packets in a packet of beef jerky are only there to keep the food good. They are not for eating, however there are usually far fewer moisture packets in a bag of these food than there are pieces of beef jerky, so if you were to apply the same "take something that is rare and make it the only thing" to beef jerky, then it would make everything in the bag into moisture packets. To call this the "oops all" version of Jack Links has some sort ...

A surgeon calls a plumber to fix his leaky faucet. The problem requires an easy fix and the entire job takes less than two minutes. Before leaving, the plumber says, "That will be $200." The surgeon replies, "I am a surgeon and even I do not charge $100 a minute." The plumber says, "Yeah, I didn't either when I was a surgeon. Why do you think I switched?"

This is Day 7 of Trump Memes, and the final day of the original week. That being said, I am now heavily considering making June a full month of Trump memes if I don't get bored first.

Earlier I was outside with my crush and it was pretty cold. I had never really told her that I liked her before. We were just eating our lunch outside because thats where we normally sit. The other few people who usually sit with us weren't there due to a club they were in. It was really awkward but eventually we got talking about stuff. She started talking about how it was so cold and how her hands were freezing, then I asked her if she wanted me to warm them up. She said yes all flustered and I just kinda held her hand for a moment and I was so happy. She then said, "you know what else I want? I want about tree fiddy." It was about this time that I noticed that she was an 8 stories tall crustacean from the protozoic era. I yelled, "you damn monster! I ain't givin you no tree fiddy!"

Knock Knock Who’s there? Opportunity. Don’t be silly – opportunity doesn’t knock twice!

Waiter, why is a wasp on my chips? Because it died and I didn't know where to put it

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One of them turned to the other and said: "I don't know about you but I can smell carrots!"