Joke Explainer

 A young couple in poverty give birth to identical twins. After much consideration they decide that the best thing for the baby boys would be to give them up for adoption so that they can have a better shot in life. One boy goes to a Spanish family who name him Juan, the second goes to an Indian family who name him Amal. 18 years pass when the birth parents receive a package from Juan with a letter saying how grateful he is to them and with a ton of pictures of him and his life. This makes the birth mother inconsolably sad, her husband says “are you not happy? You always wondered what he looked like, whether he had my eyes or your nose and now you know” “I know and I’m really happy that I got to see the pictures but it makes me even sadder that I have no pictures of Amal.” To which the husband replies “they’re identical twins, if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal!” This is a bit of a shaggy dog story (although, it could be much longer if the teller cares to tell it that way.) The s...

Earlier I was outside with my crush and it was pretty cold. I had never really told her that I liked her before. We were just eating our lunch outside because thats where we normally sit. The other few people who usually sit with us weren't there due to a club they were in. It was really awkward but eventually we got talking about stuff. She started talking about how it was so cold and how her hands were freezing, then I asked her if she wanted me to warm them up. She said yes all flustered and I just kinda held her hand for a moment and I was so happy. She then said, "you know what else I want? I want about tree fiddy." It was about this time that I noticed that she was an 8 stories tall crustacean from the protozoic era. I yelled, "you damn monster! I ain't givin you no tree fiddy!"

Three men are sent to hell... The devil greets them and gives the three men a chance to go to heaven instead. Knowing no-one has ever won the bet, he tells the three men, "if you can bring me something which I cannot melt with my bare hands of flame and torture, you are free to go to heaven." A few hours later, the first man arrives with a sturdy rock. The devil smiles slyly, grabs the rock in his hands, and melts it into molten magma. The second man appears with a large chunk or carbonized steel. The devil grabs it and instantly melts it down into hot liquid metal. The third man only gives him three M&M candies. The devil laughs, grabs the candy and turns his hands into flames. Hotter and hotter the hands grow, but the devil notices that he just can't melt down the M 'n M's. He gives up, shocked, and says, "How in the hell! This has never happened before." To which the third man replied "M&M's, melt in your mouth, not your han...

A squirrel is sitting in a tree enjoying the sunset when all of a sudden the whole tree starts to shake and rumble. He looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree. He yells at the elephant, "Hey, get out of my tree, elephant! What are you doing man!?" "Sorry squirrel, I'm just coming up to eat some pears." "This is a pine tree. There are no pears up here!" "Well, I brought my own pears."